Reply to How would you feel if your spouse spent thousands on your birthday gift?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have been in a similar situation and felt the way you do.  It was an expensive (for us) piece of jewelry, and I was frustrated that the opportunity cost for this item that was supposed to be a gift for me meant that there were other things I actually wanted that we now couldn't get.

That said, like your husband mine did it from a place of love, and I think it's important to recognize that.  And I know his feelings were hurt when I didn't have the positive reaction to the piece at the time, and that he loves it when I wear that piece of jewelry.

So here's my advice:

1) Keep this piece of jewelry and file it away in your mind as a gift to your spouse, then pull it out and wear it for him down the road when you go out. My guess is he'll get happy seeing you wearing it.

2) At a totally separate time from this have a conversation with your husband about financial goals / not spending large non-returnable amounts without your input.  The opportunity cost argument may help there as a point of view he can understand.

3) Develop a list of costly/expensive items that you DO want.  My husband frequently complains that he WANTS to spend money on me / get me things, but doesn't know what I want. So I'm working to figure out specific items that he can get me that will make me happy (while working on him to accept that a new set of door knobs, while not sexy, is what I truly want.)

Basically, try to see and treat this as an act of love the way your DH intended it, while also acknowledging your legitimate frustration and preventing similar things from happening in the future.[/quote]

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