Reply to Tired of Validating My Mother

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Tired of Validating My Mother"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Hi op here,

Thank you for all of your responses.

Sunday my mother and I actually had another round of you never post anything on my wall. It ended with my boundary setting (?) that if she ever mentions anything to me about my activity on Facebook again - I will defriend her. She responded "ok-so many rules!" And that was that. No mention since! I'm sure it will come back at some point but for now the issue is done.

14:44- I feel exactly like you! I've decided to do an in person therapy session with her and set up boundries. As for personal therapy solo- I liked it but not sure it helped as the shrink mostly agrees with me. Seems like sessions together have the most hope as therapist can modify our interaction in real time. A good massage is also a worthwhile use of my therapy dollars.

16:27- you are spot on! Posting a photo to Facebook is more upsetting to her, because she doesn't get a special photo.  Again, it's not about the actual picture, but the validation I wrap it in. She didn't even comment on our christmas card, because of course that photo is meaningless as it was created for mass distribution!
As for being more secretive, yes I do consider it. Do you have children? I wonder about setting a precedent that could burden my son. It seems unsustainable in the long run but definitely attractive!

18:16- love this quote: 
"this is not a competition and I refuse to indulge your attempts to make it one."
I will start using it immediately!

7:43, maybe I've been too impatient and need to give my strategies more time to work

To all who've suggested specific boundaries and shared theirs, thank you! They are all more than reasonable and doable.

I've decided to visit birth mom this summer as I will be in a neighboring town. Trying to figure out how to share this information. If I share this July trip too soon, there will be lots of opportunity for crazy. Thinking about sharing it during therapy. Also thinking about drawing a hard line, "if you cannot accept my decision to visit birth mom, DS and I will not attend beach vacation the following week".  It feels cruel to threaten the vacation, but I need to create some consequences so she will keep herself in check.  I can't handle weekly meltdowns about this decision.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics