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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe your daughter doesn't belong in the gifted and talented program for math.  Those who excel at reading and writing rarely also excel at math.  This becomes most apparent in third grade when division and fractions are introduced and the coursework gets harder. My DS was extremely good in everything until about third/fourth grade when his math grades slipped.  He reads, writes, and understands languages extremely well, but math just isn't his thing. My DD is the opposite.  You can do all the supplemental activities you want, which will help her to at least be proficient, but either it clicks or it doesn't.

Gifted and talented programs should split in the older grades, one track for math/science the other for reading/writing.[/quote]

OP -- I totally disagree with the quoted PP. I'm the first responder (9:39).  I actually thought DD needed to get out of adv. math and set up a conference with the adv. math teacher and DD's regular teacher b/c it was a nightmare at home during homework.  They insisted that DD was properly place in adv. math (and "not a close case").  Frankly, I couldn't see how that could say that.  But, what I know now (over a year later) is that I'm really glad that DD was put in adv. math and based on her experience, I think a lot more kids should be getting the "adv. math" program!  Struggling is OK!  Struggling is going to happen!  The quoted PP is kind of like my DD in that they both have the same response to struggle --- quit!  Americans have long had this idea that if something isn't easy right away, you "must not be good at it."  I had the same belief all through college -- I didn't challenge myself b/c I just figured if I got a "B" in a class -- I must not be good at it.  Bad mindset!  Kids don't like to struggle -- but they need to learn to get comfortable with struggling (challenging themselves).  That's the anxiety you are seeing.  I feel your pain.

Part of DD's problem was that her younger brother (2 yrs. younger) could answer math questions in a second while she was still calculating it in her head (I'm talking about 7+3 or 11-5).  He just gets math.  DD would see that he answered it while she was still working it out in her head and then she'd say "he's good at it, and I'm not."  That's what she internalized.  That is wrong, wrong, wrong!  Some people have to work harder to learn math.  Some people have to work harder to write a paragraph.  Some people have to work harder to lose 10 lbs.  Does that mean we should just avoid activities that are hard for us?  NO!.  That means those are the things we need to do more of so that they become easier.  And they will become easier (barring a learning disability).  But, even if you have a learning disability (or metabolic problem in the case of losing weight)... that is still no reason to give up.  Everyone still needs to understand math (or maintain a healthy weight).

Give your daughter a safe way to get mad (i.e. keep a pillow near the homework and let her punch it when she's frustrated).  Teach her to use language like "this is challenging" or "I get frustrated when... " or "I'm still working on mastering multiplication" -- instead of statements like "I hate..." or "I'm not good at.." or "It's too hard."  She has to learn that it's o.k. to be uncomfortable with a problem... but that won't get her out of learning math.  Draw it out if you can.  Let her draw it out.  Use numberlines or measuring tapes.  Keep at it - especially during the summer.  IME, it gets better once they get over some of the memorization.  If your relationship with DD is suffering then tell DD to put "I don't know how to do this" at the top of her homework so the teacher can see that she doesn't know it.  Let DD take responsibility for learning and communicating with the teacher.

FWIW, I'm really grateful that the teachers didn't listen to my request to move DD out of adv. math.  I'm seeing her develop a greater comfort with it this year.  The lesson of determination and not giving up is far more valuable than learning 3 digit multiplication.   [/quote]

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