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[quote=Anonymous]Regardiing 9:07 and 9:12, both of whom said they give to their own families (Indian) and don't mind -- The red flag for the OP should be the fact, buried very far down in the post, that her fiancé comes to HER and asks her to pay for his most basic monthly bills, once the mooching family members have wiped out his cash flow for the month. If posters can give and give happily AND don't have to have someone else pay their personal bills as a result, that's great. But OP has a much bigger problem here.

And OP: Don't you see the red flag waving in your face? Finances are a real issue here and a real reason to question marrying him. Marry him, marry his family.

It's possible that he does not have millions after all, because even with the mooching, why is he ever asking you to pay a basic monthly bill for him? Are these millions tied up in gold bullion, that he can't get at them when the phone bill's due?

OP, does he claim things such as "I don't believe in banks so I don't have a checking account" or "I don't keep much in my personal checking because it's tied up in (whatever)"?

Have you seen any bank statements, gone over his finances AT the bank with him and a banker sitting there, etc.? Those are things to do if you are engaged and planning to merge finances or buy a home or make wills or anything else. If you have not done that with him yet, do it; set up the appointment with an adviser at a reputable bank and bring ALL his records. If he refuses to do this -- do you want to marry someone who's not transparent about money?

He may indeed have millions but be crap at handling them; are you ready to volunteer to handle his money if he wants that, and to tell your new husband a huge "No" when he comes to you saying cousin X needs a phone or cash? Would he let you have that much power over your finances as a couple? Do you then want to be seen by his family as the witch who married him for money and denies them their rightful place at the trough?

As others have noted above: He is not going to change and his family absolutely isn't going to change. This is cultural and either you accept it or you don't. It would be acceptable to me if the situation were like those of the PPs who have no issues with it and who apparently aren't having trouble paying their own bills just because they gave gifts to their families. But in your case, your fiancé is claiming he can't pay his own bills at times. That problem becomes your problem when you are married. Either he doesn't have the money he claims he has; he has it and is a horrid cash flow manager; or he has it and cannot say no, and does not ever want to learn to say no because culturally he just can't.

Can you live with any of those scenarios for life?

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