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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those of you who escaped this cycle of abuse, I am in awe. Somehow you broke the pattern and got out, against all odds. What do you think enabled you to do it when other family members, and siblings, remained sucked into that black hole? I just have a lot of respect for people who grew up in abusive or dysfunctional environments and broke the pattern with their own children and families.[/quote]

20:26 here.  Not sure if you were specifically referencing me, but I will say that breaking the pattern and cycle is constant work and the result of some simple decisions about major life events.

I chose my DH wisely.  I certainly could have ended up repeating the pattern of emotional abuse and had my fair share of toxic, emotional abusive dating relationships; as a much younger woman, I thought I was not deserving of anyone who was truly kind.

I chose to never, ever drink alcohol...this revelation came to me when I'd "premedicate" myself before a party and I'm ashamed to admit, before I drove myself to a doctors appointment.  That was 18 years ago and I'm known as a teetotaler.

My DH is not an alcoholic and I fell in love with him because he is so mentally...stable, a real straight arrow and an incredibly patient, loving and sensible man.  Sounds cheesy and trite, but he was the first guy I dated who was himself drama-free.

As a result of extensive emotional abuse, I've sought therapy for the inevitable fall-out that subsumed my late teens and early 20s - an eating disorder, self-injuring behavior, anxiety, depression and panic attacks.  Therapy gave me incredible insights.  I take an SSRI for depression and anxiety, too.  I also had a faith experience that was life altering and has brought me incredible peace.

Still, I falter.  I can be emotionally volatile and scream at my kids in anger or frustration.  Im not proud of this, but I always, always apologize to them and genuinely attempt to maintain a calm house.  I don't keep secrets from them and I've told them about my very troubled upbringing. My dad would get angry at me and then not speak to me for days, sometimes a week or longer, so I'm a ready 
apologist, like two minutes later, we talk it out.

These patterns are practically (literally) part of my genetic makeup.  Alcoholism goes back in our family for generations.  Kind of cool to think that perhaps I'll be THE one who ends this hellish pattern.  It's exhausting work, though, to go against patterns that were established in my childhood.[/quote]

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