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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I cut my mom off at the ripe old age of 13 years old.  I am in my 40's now. My parents divorced and I went to live with my dad. I had no contact with that side of the family again until I married.  My mom's parents reached out to me right before my wedding.  It is very sad to cut your mother off and most people will judge you and think something is wrong with you.  Personally, I think it is one of the most cruel things about having a terrible mother -you not only have to deal with the abuse but everyone around you will think there is something wrong with YOU.  I mean the fact that it was hard to get external validation even among my dad's family has made me feel horrible at times.   It's very easy to come back to is there something wrong with me?  In my opinion that's how abusers get away with it for so long.  There are cultural expectations to love your parents. I  know it was a big flag with my inlaws.  Now that they've known me for almost 20 years and know what type of person that I am they don't mention it anymore.[/quote]

+1 For me, it was a violent and alcoholic father. But the experience was the same. I cut him off after social services pulled me from his home and sent me to my mom. (She was negilent, but at least she didn't beat me.) My father's family blamed me and cut me off. For years everyone in my family - father's side AND mother's side - made it my fault. 30 years later, my dad and his parents are long since deceased. They died still blaming me. My mother's family sort of gets it now, but you can tell that some of the family still don't entirely believe me. There's always this quiet suspicion. I think it's because they know that if they admit it was true, then they have to admit that they did nothing to protect me. That's simply too hard for most people. Plus, my dad bullied and abused them too. Standing with me would have meant facing his wrath. They weren't prepared to cut him off just because I was.

So, OP, I would be prepared to get rejected by everyone else too. The fact that you are right and have good reasons for this will not sway anyone. This isn't about logic or even what's right. Unfortunately.[/quote]

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