Reply to When no one else will admit they can't afford something

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suppose I have a dissenting opinion. Clearly, seeing your family is important for your in-laws. It seems to be important for your husband as well.  It is a pretty reasonable position. Kids grow and change tremendously in a year. In this particular case, I think FAMILY TRUMPS MONEY.

Now, you can be financially responsible about visiting. If you feel so uncomfortable about accepting help, or embarrassed to air your financial circumstances, then the onus is on you to find a way to make visiting happen WITHOUT GOING INTO DEBT. [b]Cut cable, stop eating out/ordering in, only shop at thrift stores, sell a car, etc.
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YOU were the one who made the poor financial decisions earlier. Don't punish your in-laws for your mistakes. Find a way to save that money. Your choices are not just to accept a handout or go into debt. Where there's a will, there's a way. Sounds like you just don't want to find a way. [/quote]

Oh, PP, if only it was that easy. We haven't had cable since 2010, we don't eat out, and although I don't have time to shop at thrift stores, we buy our kids' clothes very cheaply. We have a lot of student loan debt (over $300k) and that is why we are so poor. It's not something that can be undone or helped by trimming around the edges. And actually, my in-laws encouraged DH and cosigned all his loans. So, from that perspective, they aren't completely blameless.[/quote]

are they the same people who got into debts for years to pay for the daughter's wedding? if so, you married into a family of financially irresponsible people (and your DH was an adult presumably when he took all those loans, even if his parents encouraged him, he is still fully responsible). sounds like a bunch of people who overspend because they need to keep up with the other Joneses in the family. I think you should simply break the spell and calmly tell the truth. we have 300K in student loan to pay in addition to raise kids and plan for their education. we cannot afford the annual trip. we love you all very much, we will Skype in every night, will make the effort to come maybe every three or four years, depending on the situation. I hope you will visit us as much as you can. when they ask again, you again say no because you cannot afford it. say it clear and loud, as many times you have to. there is no shame in it. there is shame in compromising even further your kids future by charging that CC for a trip you cannot afford. [/quote]

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