Reply to How was it to grow up in joint custody arrangement?

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[quote=Anonymous]My son, 11, has been going back and forth between my house and his father's for one year (so it's still pretty new to him.)   We have about a 60/40 split in time and live within one mile of each other and both within blocks of DS's school.

DS would tell you that going back and forth is the worst aspect of the dissolution of his family; he hates it.   He says he feels like he's "always saying goodbye" (which he is, every 3 days) and that he misses me and his childhood house very much when he's at his father's place.

I'm ambivalent about this, actually.   The court didn't order this arrangement, exH and I worked it out among ourselves.  On the one hand, both parents are very involved in DS's life and adore him and BOTH of us believe that it would be detrimental to have DS only see his Dad every 10 days on average (in the 1980s-style "every other weekend plus some Wednesdays" model).   That is, I believe it's NOT a good idea for DS to live with me (the much-more-hands-on parent) almost all of the time and see Dad less -- and it kills me when he's gone and I stlll believe that.

OTOH, DS is plainly telling us that he hates going back and forth and wants to stay with me more, and he can articulate why.

But kids don't always know what's good for them in the long run.  In the long run, I don't think DS will have been well-served by seeing his father only 6 days each month.  Especially since we didn't divorce when DS was a baby/toddler but rather when we had had 10 years to build a solid, verbal relationship with his Dad.

ANd before some assface replies that I should've stuck it out, that option wasn't offered to me since exH left me, and anyway, he was/is verbally and emotionally abusive to me.[/quote]

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