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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP here!

Thanks for the responses.

Here's what I didn't mention earlier, because I myself hadn't realized it.  Every time I have a milestone, I go through this.  I think, yes they're toxic, I don't want a relationship, but they're my parents.  They SHOULD know about my new house/kid/job whatever.  I let them know, and I think subconsciously think to myself, they'll come around this time!

No, they won't.  Ever.  And even though I don't like tattoos, I should get that inked on my hand.

So I think it's good for me to have said, listen, I'm over the fight, and I forgive you, I think that's where it ends.

Not sure if any of you people have kids (sounds like some of you do), but you (or at least just me!) feel quite vulnerable when you're ready to give birth/just gave birth.  I think given that vulnerability, I should definitely not have any contact with my parents.  They're just super toxic (I Don't want to get into it, but trust me, they're super toxic).  And every therapist I've ever had has underscored that.

I've decided to feel good about having cleared the air on my end, and not communicate any further with them.  I also have a tendency to try to cheer them up (they're so twisted and bitter!), and I think to myself, you know I'll let them know the joyous news of their grandchild!  This will make them happy!  But they will NEVER be happy, and that's part of the reason they're such awful people to be around.  They will only use this opportunity to bring me and my family down, as they've done over and over and over again.

Sorry for the rant, but I think some people were correct that I hadn't decided what I was going to do and feeling ambivalent.  Now I decided, no further contact whatsoever.  I am very happy when they are not in my life.

And just as a reminder to anyone else struggling with NP parents - They will NOT change, you CANNOT make them happy, and letting them back in your life will only expose others to their toxic behavior (like my innocent kids for instance).

Thanks for letting me work my feelings out![/quote]

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