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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay, thanks all. We're (both my mother and I) are going to do what we can by calling CPS and trying to get in touch with my brother's wife command. Maybe we'll be fortunate and she can live with one of us.

There is no negotiating with him, so it will have to be the hard way or no way at all. [/quote]

Your neice is lucky to have you and your mom really trying to look out for her.  Your brother is lucky too, even though he can't see that right now.

A few things:

1. You do NOT only need to have physical abuse or neglect to call CPS.  If you can detail the impacts on your neice (i.e. not sleeping, parentified (she takes care of your brother in ways a 10yr old should not have to care for their parent), whatever signs there are of stress, anything that her teachers say about how she's doing in school... if you can detail the impacts of your brother's verbal abuse and the stress of his alcoholism/suicidal behaviors, you may indeed have enough for a CPS report.  It is MISinformation that someone else is spreading that it has to only be physical abuse or neglect to get an investigation.  The key is in detailing how the parent's behaviors are negatively impacting the child (and what negative results there are for the child).

And indeed, most CPS systems prefer working with the family first and looking for family placements before removing a child and putting them in foster care.

2.  Does your mom get to talk to your neice alone much?  Does she get to ask her how she's doing, how she feels when her dad goes off the rails, and assure her that she's a great kid and that the family loves both her and her dad?  I say this because whatever path you take (and I am SO glad you are taking some path to help her), at some point your brother is probably going to try to take it out on her or blame her (or your mom).  She's old enough, she needs to know (even if it's not said directly) that she's an awesome kid, that family is proud of her, everyone wants her to succeed, wants her dad to succeed (even if it's not looking good), and just general positive feedback to counter any negative that she's already getting in the vebal abuse and may get more of if her dad realizes steps are being taken.

3. Your mom needs a safety plan for her and your neice.  I know your brother hasn't been physcially abusive yet, but if he's doing this badly, you just never know.  Your mom needs a plan of how, if ever necessary, she's going to get your neice physically out of the house and herself out and get to safety.  Hopefully she'll never need to use it, but she should know just in case, if he already gets bad enough that he kicks her out and threatens suicide.

4. You are SO SMART to consult a lawyer as well.  And to try to contact the mom, although be careful, what's deployed mom's relationship with your brother?  Would she ever tell him what you guys are asking about?  Make sure she's on your side and understand what you're worried about, as much as you can try to.    But the laywer idea is a really good one too, in terms of understanding how your brother's rights as her father are balanced against her wellbeing/concerns about her wellbeing.

I wish you luck OP, most of all because your neice does need help.  Your brother does too, but he may not be in a place to receive it right now, which is really really sad.  But kids need interventions, they can't fix these situations themselves.  Thank you for being a great aunt and your mom for being such an involved grandmother.  Wishing you all safety and somehow a much better place soon.[/quote]

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