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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]have you looked at yourself. you seem pretty damn assertive.  perhaps you've damaged his self esteem.  and no, I'm not trying to be a bitch.  many times women with your traits look for men that they can tower over and control a little bit.  then during marriage they let the woman lead and take over a bit.   but now you are regretting it.  try encouraging him and get over yourself a little bit.  [/quote]

I am not a ball buster and I am do not try to "control" him.  As if I could.  I do encourage him.  I've done everything but put on a fucking cheerleading outfit and wave my pom poms.  Same conversation over and over about all of his positive traits, accomplishments, etc etc and. . . .it's the same shit, different day.

I don't want a divorce.  I have no illusions that any other man would be better.  I just want to want sex with my husband instead of going through the motions like a chore.  It's uninspiring and I don't feel the confidence there either.[/quote]

OP, your first post made you sound like a huge bitch. Your follow up posts make you sound like a good support person who is tired of being SOLELY a support person. Does your husband provide emotional support to you?

I spent 7 years married to a man who I provided constant support to. I listened to all of his career woes, planned things with him, delighted in his successes and was generally by his side every step of the way. It was a one way street. My career, dreams, and needs were secondary. The things "we" planned were all his things. If I expressed a wish, it was greeted with skepticism.

Granted, your husband has different issues than my ex, but I totally sympathize with the exhaustion that comes from being the perpetual cheerleader and not having your needs met.[/quote]

Well, I said it was a rant!

He is supportive of me.  Very much so, and I have appreciated it all along.  But any attempt to help him aside from ego-stroking is met with resistance and indignance.  It's like talking to a teenager, and it's frustrating as hell.  I am the kind of person that, after I've heard you vent about the same problem for the umpteenth time, will lose my patience.  What are you doing about it?  If the answer is not much aside from whining, it becomes harder and harder for me to be sympathetic.  And yes, it is killing any romantic desire I once had.

I'll get slammed for this but I do think he feels inferior to me, not because that's my goal, but because I have more education and make more money (not a ton more, but enough).  I bust my ass not just for myself but for my family, because we could never have afforded to have children unless I worked.  I'm also not SAHM material.  I would go nuts.  What am I supposed to do?  Stop working?  Stop being successful?  Act submissive and dumb to make him feel better?  Seriously, I'm at a loss.[/quote]

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