Reply to Bystnader to an abusive relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.
I appreciate those who offered support or who have been in similar situations.

My bother has zero intentions of leaving his wife. He feels this is just his lot in life - he chose her and that is that. He is very negative about himself though, has almost no self confidence anymore and can't make any decisions for himself. He is very 'weak' in a way now in that he no longer seems to have the strength to do anything except go along with her and try and keep her happy. I think he is pretty depressed. Also my SIL has told him if he ever tries to leave her, she will take the kids and go back to her home country. My brother does more parenting than she does and is very, very close to the kids and would never take the chance of losing them.

They went to a therapist a few times. My SIL sobbed through the sessions and promised to be nicer but nothing really changed and my brother was scared to say too much in case she just use that against him at home.

I have seen her emotionally and verbally abuse him. I have seen her lose her temper and call him all kinds of names. I have seen her tell him he is useless and worthless and tear a strip off of him. If she does that in front of others, I have no doubt she does more at home. We have talked to her about it a few times when it has been very public but all that did was make it worse for my brother at home and he asked us to just ignore her anger when we see it. She makes many demands of him that we see - she is always ordering him around, telling him what to do or not to do and she expects him to wait on her hand and foot. He is very passive with her, saying and doing whatever she wants him to say or do.

I have seen her get quite angry at the oldest child too. Parenting doesn't come 'naturally' for her and she gets frustrated very easily. She usually has my brother deal with the kids as she can't.

We do provide a lot of support in terms of child care and other support in the hopes of relieving some of her stress and in doing so, hoping she will treat him better. There are occasions when she is very nice to my brother and I think that just confuses him more. She will buy him something nice or surprise him with his favorite meal etc. I am not sure if this is out of guilt or just to keep him confused, or if she is confused as well and really does love him but just can't control her temper and anger. [/quote]

Omg, go see a lawyer so that you can see how your brother can leave with the kids.  And get your siblings to do an intervention with your brother, without sil knowing.  That is awful.  I feel sorry for him.  [/quote]

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