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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am so grateful they love DS so much, and we always thank them. But what if we wanted to buy the bike this Christmas? It is a big deal to me that they'd give my son a bike on Christmas Eve without checking in with me first (we see them on Xmas Eve and exchange gifts), and then I don't have the big Santa gift to give him on Christmas morning and I miss seeing his excited "look what Santa left under the tree for me" response.

I'm also concerned about the precedence. Will they give him an iPad without talking with us? MIL mentioned she "almost" bought a leap pad instead of the bike, so it's not unimaginable that she'd gift him a phone or something without discussing it. I'm wondering how I can gently nip this in the bud without offending. A gentle discussion will solve the problem, but in DH's family gentle discussions do cause offense. They will be hurt and angry. I'm waffling between just dealing with this for years and trusting to my parenting skills to take a phone or whatever away, versus hurting their feelings over a gift which, I agree, is a GIFT not a wish list demand.[/quote]

I totally understand where you're coming from. When I was *pregnant,* my ILs bought a bike for DS. We live in separate states, and he uses it when he visits, so I feel OK about it now (it's his bike for *their* house, we still bought him a bike....when he turned 4), but at the time, I felt like they were "beating" me to giving him this. Even though I understood they were just excited and how lucky I was to have such caring grandparents, it still felt weird to me. I guess it's because them doing things like this isn't just being generous and giving, I see it as being kind of selfish -- it's about them, they didn't consider how that might feel to us.

They started asking a little about Christmas now bc 2 years ago, we both bought DS something very similar.

It's hard bc I know they loved being parents, just as I do, and they are trying to relive the beauty of it with their grandkids, which I totally understand and will probably stuggle with myself someday. I try to put myself in their place as much as I can, but I also feel like you get one chance to be the parent, and then you get a chance to be a grandparent. And being a grandparent is different -- you need to consult with the parents to find out what they expect, you don't get to run roughshod without checking in with the parents. [/quote]

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