Reply to What is reasonable to ask of in-town family in terms of help with kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Again, thanks for the reality check.  This was an anonymous vent and it was helpful for me to see other perspectives, although it is not one that I grew up with.

Not that this makes a difference but MIL voluntarily moved to our neighborhood recently-- we didn't go move to hers.

Maybe this makes me a spiteful b*tch, but I will be honest and say that a less "helpful" MIL who is local makes me less likely to want to see her on the weekends/evenings when it is our family time.  For example, DH always wants to invite her over for dinner during the week....which I cook with a 3 year old running around after work (and I also hate cooking).  It drives me NUTS to have MIL show up on our doorstep at 6:30 asking "how she can help" when by that point, dinner has been prepped and cooked already.

As another S/O, I wonder if the dynamic is different if it was your own mom vs DH's mom.  Given my new-found understanding of the dynamics, I will be loathe to ask MIL to do anything (unless it's a major emergency) and will ask DH to do it.  If it were my own mother, the bar is much lower.[/quote]

Ok, now you sound kind of ridiculous. Nothing about your post has identified that your MIL is not helpful, just that she doesn't help as much as you (arbitrarily) would like. She does not know you would like her to help more and probably thinks she is doing a fine job, so you're blaming her for not reading your mind.

For example, your dinner complaint. Does she know that dinner is done by 6:30? It is never ready by then in my house, so I don't blame her for not knowing given that you probably haven't asked her to arrive earlier. Have her over earlier so she actually can help. Honestly, it sounds like you are just looking for reasons to complain.[/quote]

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