Reply to What is reasonable to ask of in-town family in terms of help with kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it is fine to count on family for emergencies or even times when you just are in a jam. But I don't think it is okay to assume or ask for regular care. If I were a grandparent, I would offer up those services if that is something I was interested in providing. And I would be rather annoyed to be asked and would feel like you put me in a very awkward position by asking. [/quote]

+1.  This comes closest to how I feel.  If on a day when she picks your DD up she tells you how much she loves those afternoons, you could offer "I know she loves it too.  If you ever wanted to pick her up earlier so the two of you could have some time together, let me know."  That way, the ball is in her court but you aren't asking her to do any favors.

You mentioned that most of the childcare burden falls on you even though you and your DH both work FT.  To me, the initial answer isn't to ask MIL to do more, it's to examine your situation and figure out a way for you and DH to balance more equitably that burden.  My DH and I both work full-time, but my full-time is 40hr/wks while his is more like 60-70hr/wks so the childcare part of life does skew towards me.  We shift things around when needed, but for the most part that's just how our life is working right now.

As for how often you see each other, that's something that is up to you all as a family.  When my parents were talking about re-locating to be nearer to us, we talked about the fact that it wouldn't mean seeing each other every day since it would probably end up being stifling to feel as if our nuclear family couldn't ever do anything without include Grandma and Grandpa moving forward.  Living in close proximity does require communication, and if your MIL is fairly passive, then DH probably needs to be part of those discussions.

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