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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another Indian born and raised here -- in terms of what my parents did -- straight A's were expected and demanded and it was drilled into our heads that an occasional B was a bad grade, even in elementary school; extra math problems for YEARS; learning multiplication tables early -- there was an unbelievable hatred for those Trapper Keeper things (not sure if they make those) as they had a chart where you could look up multiplication tables instead of memorizing; no calculators on homework when young -- not until high school; and a general attitude that NOTHING else mattered besides school -- not friends, parties; soccer games etc.

I don't think an "American" family can comprehend the sheer amount of time that was spent talking about and planning for the (academic/future) in my home -- that's ALL that mattered.

As you got older (like 5th-6th grade+), it was all about "competition" -- i.e. all you heard is that so-and-so auntie's kid is SO smart because he just got into Princeton or Harvard Med/Law etc.  I admit that's a bad thing to do, but for the right kind of kid it does work because it fuels a certain fire.

Later on (like high school) -- lots of lecturing if you considered pursuing anything "unmarketable" in college. There was almost no support in my family for majors like English, history, politics etc. In my family the only "acceptable" courses of study were engineering, med, or finance/accounting or law -- but even law had to involve an engineering or finance undergrad, just in case the law thing doesn't work out.

In terms of academic and professional success, it is not a terrible way to be raised -- it's a formula that works. However, there are lots of Indians now in their 20-30s who are unfulfilled and feel like they lack connections with friends because they were taught that ALL that matters was professional success and by extension -- money. Look for those Indians to be the ones who don't push their kids so hard, allow them to enjoy normal childhoods, and allow them to choose their own paths. I go back and forth as to whether I'd raise my kids the same way -- I do see value in it . . . .[/quote]

I am Indian and didn't have this experience at all - I don't think it's just the pressure. My parents never told me to do my homework, if I got a bad grade they just wanted to know whether I truly put my full effort in, and then helped me improve my grades by studying with me and helping the best I could.  My house was the house where all my friends could gather and feel welcome, it was practically a youth hostel on college breaks with so many people staying over! Yet by Indian standards we're very successful - my brothers and I all went to top ten undergrad/graduate schools, one doctor and two lawyers.  Much harsher relatives often point to us as the success stories and compared their kids to us.  I won't be drilling my kids or make learning a chore.

I remember asking my dad whether he would be okay if I pursued urban planning. he was stunned that I even asked, and told me that as long as I pushed myself and applied myself in whatever I did, he'd be proud of me. When my cousin was accepted into a music conservatory, her parents were reluctant, but my dad made a huge deal of it and they let her go.  I'd rather follow the route my parents took.  We're all much happier people than others who are financially successful but don't like their jobs. [/quote]

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