Reply to Grandparents coming in for first grandchild--tension already

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I have received a ton of pushback from the grandparents about this idea--they don't want to stay in a hotel, they want to stay with us, and they want to stay a really long time so they can "help."  My mother brings up at every phone call why I don't want them to stay with us for 3 weeks so she can help.  The issue is that we have a ton of space, and a nice guest room (though MIL would have to sleep on an air mattress in a spare bedroom, as we only have one guest room).  My mother thinks we should host all 3 grandparents at once.  [b]I have tried to explain tactfully that hosting guests right after giving birth for the first time and trying to take care of their needs will be so stressful for me, but she doesn't understand.  They also don't understand that I told them that they need to rent a car, as DH will not be available to drive them all over the place when they are here, as he will be taking care of me.  They don't want to rent a car.  [/b]
Part of the problem is that the grandparents are coming from the West Coast, so I understand that they don't want to come for a short visit, but they have been very high maintenance guests when they have stayed with us before, and as a FTM who may be recovering from a c-section (and who has had a rough pregnancy so far and is exhausted already), I don't want to have to host guests and take care of their needs in addition to figuring out how to take care of a newborn.  [b]For instance, in the past, when they have visited us, the grandparents have never rented a car, provide us with a grocery list of all their grocery needs that we have to buy before they come (most of which are things DH and I don't eat), and they expect to be entertained and won't go anywhere on their own.  [/b]
[/quote]

Say no.  Say that you will not feel up to hosting so many people in the days after the baby is born.  Say that you and your husband would like a few days to rest and bond and get used to your new family.

If you do decide to let them visit, don't cater to them.  Just don't do it.  Make clear in advance that you will be recovering and busy with the baby and will not be able to entertain them or cook for them.  When they send you their grocery list, remind them of that and don't buy the groceries for them.  When they decline to rent a car, remind them.  When they ask what's for dinner, ask them what they're cooking or say you're ordering pizza or hand them a stack of delivery menus.  They DO understand, they just don't like it.

Once again, I feel so lucky that my parents are so great about this stuff.  My mom did come and stay for three weeks, but she was incredibly helpful and supportive.  I was glad for her help and really enjoyed the connection that we had during that time.  I was sad to see her leave.  But--she doesn't pout when she doesn't get what she wants, she doesn't create more work, she respects me and my choices, and she acts like a grownup.  [/quote]

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