Reply to Cannot stand sister-in-law. Seeing her tomorrow.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=AroundTheBlock]After the birth of our baby my wife went into deep postpartum depression.  I ended up taking six weeks of leave from work and staying home.  I was basically a single father for the entire time.  I slept with our baby, fed my wife, etc.  I did everything because she was just completely out of it.  Her sister gave her some really bad advice which made me very angry, enough to almost call her sister and bitch her out on the phone.  It really bugs me when people try to give advice when they're not in the picture or have any idea of what's going on.  But, due to her sister's stupid advice my wife went into worse depression.[/quote]

When my husband had cancer, my inlaws found a friend of theirs who had a totally different type of cancer.  My husband's cancer was thought to be really curable at the time (turns out that it was more serious than we thought, but he pulled through nevertheless).

His parent's friend told him that (1) we were likely to divorce and so my husband shouldn't count on me since his relationship ended when he was diagnosed with cancer (2) he should prepare himself emotionally for death (3) No one will understand him, so just deal with this on your own.

My husband's parents then agreed with all of this.  I should mention that my husband was 28 years old at the time.

I totally understand why you will never forgive/forget the stuff your SIL said to your wife.  I chose to forgive my inlaws, but I have never forgotten their stupid comments.  They've done so many more awful things to me and my husband since, not because they're mean or horrible but because they're incredibly, incredibly stupid.  Your SIL sounds a lot like them.

I think your best to move on from this, but um, remember it always since it's so indicative of SIL's poor character.  And I wouldn't try to tell SIL how stupid her comments were.  I was naive at the time and actually called my inlaws to tell them that their son needed encouragement, not some depressed person telling them his version of events, especially at the start of some awful chemotherapy.  They sincerely were surprised that I wasn't grateful!  It was pointless and got me more pissed off.  And your wife will probably forgive her sister and downplay the comments, just like my husband forgave his parents.

I'm sorry for all you went through.  If it helps, I sometimes play emotional bingo with myself (more fun if you can play with others).  I will list off a bunch of things I KNOW my inlaws will do, and when I reach 5 I privately celebrate.  (1) say something dumb about our kids (2) say something dumb about my husband's health (3) demand more grandchildren (4) give horrible advice (5) Lie.... BINGO!

Best of luck[/quote]

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