Reply to Skipped T-day dinner: Long - just wanting someone to listen

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[quote=Anonymous]I have some sympathy for this, for sure.

My DH can also easily get lost in selfish-land.  When we are getting ready in the morning, I look over the house and see A List of Shit That Has To Get Done To Start The Day. DH doesn't see this list. He's just blind to it. He sees what he needs to do and that's it. And like your DH, he is flustered/exasperated if he's done getting ready but the kids are lagging. Like that situation just happens out of thin air.

But I long ago had to accept that I can't change this. He is who he is. So if he's got downtime during the morning routine and we still have a lot to do to get ready, I ask him to help with a task. And he does help.

Is managing him in these situations one more item on my to-do list? Yeah. Is that ideal? No. But it's worth it; it still saves time to ask him to do something over doing it myself.

While your DH was downstairs doing you-don't-know-what, and you were upstairs doing everything for the kids, that was your time to say, "DH, can you help Billy get dressed?" Instead you stayed upstairs alone and then got mad that he didn't help. But you know by now that he's not going to come into awareness. He needs that push. You can't talk him into being different than he is. Maybe medication would help but he's already said no and you can't force it into his body. Tell him directly and openly the things that you need, when you need them, rather than expecting him to be the sort of person who anticipates needs.[/quote]

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