Reply to Abusive Mom, now first time Grandma

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Reply to "Abusive Mom, now first time Grandma - advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I was majorly triggered by my parents (and by the emotions and dynamics coming up with DD) for the first few years to an extent that I hadn't been since I lived under their roof. You are going to be doing A LOT of hard work that is going to support your own healing and provide for your wonderful baby in your new loving family. You, your baby, and your partner are your TOP priority until you have the additional emotional energy for anyone else. That's how it should be, and this is a great time to set boundaries as an adult that you did not have the power to set as a child. Setting them now will be amazingly healing, and you have the best motivation: the desire for a healthy relationship and family for your child. You can do it! If you aren't already seeing a therapist, I strongly recommend finding someone who can support you in these early years. Not because there's something "wrong" with you, but because you are going to face some rough things through no fault of your own, and you need and deserve all the loving support you can get. [/quote]

Some really good advice in this thread.  I wanted to second this recommendation for counseling.  I had a very abusive childhood and until my oldest was about 3, I didn't realize the horrific enormity of it all.  When my odlest was the age I had first memories of the abuse I first witnessed and then was a victim of.  It was crushing.  It was my dad who was abusive (he died before I met DH) and I thought my mom was a victim but when I had my own kids I realized how she utterly failed to protect us and enabled my father.  I felt re-traumatized.  I ended up in counseling to help me through it.  I know I'm not the only one on this forum to go through that.

Hugs.[/quote]

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