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[quote=Anonymous]FIL poster back again and just want to weigh in from another perspective: my grandfather was an awful father - alcoholic, manipulative, committed fraud to the detriment of his children, may have physically abused my grandmother but i was never details - but he was the most wonderful grandfather I could have asked for. When his children were grown and wanted nothing to do with him, he realized what he had done. My mother, out of her faith-based sense of obligation to forgive, re-established communication with him so he could know some of his grandchildren. None of my uncles were able to bring themselves to do the same so my grandfather died having never met half his grandchildren.

I realize it's hard to give people another chance and given the psychological triggers, it may not be possible or healthy in many cases. But if you have the strength to enduring interacting with her and she's willing to change, then you may find your child's life is very much enriched by this person and it may be your mother's last chance to be the person she hoped to be before she dies.

I don't mean to sound morbid, but if your mother is willing (and it sounds like she is but she's testing boundaries at this point) and you're able, you may find this is the most generous thing you might ever do. I deeply appreciate all the sacrifices my mother made so we could know our grandfather, who thankfully became a good man in the latter years of his life and I think that transformation was largely facilitated by my mother's willingness to welcome him back into her life. [/quote]

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