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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there's value in openly recognizing flaws and loving people despite them. It sounds like that's missing from the equation for OP.  Also sounds like OP never got the sense that she was #1, or at least tied for #1 or a viable candidate. OP, are they really perfect or is that just how they see each other?[/quote]

This makes sense.  My parents openly adore each other, but they never act like the other is perfect.  I had a model of how to have a loving relationship while accepting that your partner has flaws.  I never felt like I was being compared to her and found wanting, or that I was not also loved and valued.

Is it a problem on the same scale as abusive or neglectful parents?  No, of course not, but I can see how parents can be so into each other that their children feel left out, and how that can damage the parent-child relationship. [/quote]

The thing is that it IS neglectful, because it does not see the child as a full person, does not make space for the child in the family, and prevents the child from having an authentic relationship with his/her parents.

I am another child of an abusive home, so the codependence is just the icing on the cake.  But it's still damaging, as is all family dysfunction.[/quote]

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