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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you very, very much for all the responses, and especially to those of you who took your time to give me a fresh perspective.  I really appreciate it.  You've given me a lot to think about from all sides of this (except the leaving money to us part - huh???), and I'm going to give it all some more careful thought and discuss with DH.

I agree with all those who posted that DH should be handling these conversations and not me.  It's another place where I need to set some boundaries, as over the years we've gotten to a state in which DH's parents don't even get in touch with him on things, they always just call/text/email me.  That's in part because DH's relationship with his parents has been rather contentious at times, and as I don't have the history with them that he does, I tend to play the role of peace-maker.  It causes me a lot of stress though - and this situation is but one example (and far from the worst).  I need to change that.

Also, just to clarify: the conflict between BIL's family and my inlaws is not really about EXW.  That's only indirectly related.  The recent year-long lack of contact between DH and his parents also wasn't about that, or again maybe only indirectly.  DH's parents just seem to end up on bad terms with all of the kids at various points.[/quote]

My point was when push comes to shove who do you think will be there for your family?   Exw or MIL?   I would be shocked if after all your effort and time EXW remembers your kids when she passes.   In my case my own step grandmother completely cut us off after y grandfather died.  Wouldn't even give us anything to remember him by after years of cards, calls, visiting and Xmas presents.  Quite possible EXW enjoys the drama she creates by having a relationship with you.    [/quote]

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