Reply to Found a lighter in dd's jacket. Now what?

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Reply to "Found a lighter in dd's jacket. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone. Good information and advice.

She is generally a good kid, just the usual teenage girl sassy stuff lately.

No other incident with lying. My post may have seemed that I was doubting her but I was trying to convey the fact that I don't think that my kid is perfect or beyond some typical teenage transgressions. Also, I did listen to her last night. I thanked her for talking and told her that I do want to believe everything that she tells me. It was all very calm-I will say that I told her that I do have doubts-because I do. I will tell her that I believe her for now but if she blows the trust-her life will suck.

I know that kids on sports teams who get good grades sometimes party the hardest. In our case, logistically speaking, she just doesn't have a lot of free time. Her sport takes a lot of time and energy and she spends a decent amount of time on school work at home. Also, she babysits a couple weekend nights a month for family friends.
 
We do keep tight tabs on her-the only wiggle room is the occasional "hanging out with friends" in public places-Starbucks, Chipolte etc. After school on a Friday or during the weekend in blocks of time. For obvious reasons, I will tighten up those "hanging out" times but I also feel like teenagers should be allowed to have some free time together. The 45 minutes after the event last night was one of those moments where I thought it would be ok for a bunch of kids to go get something to eat together in a busy neighborhood. Clearly, those are the moments where stuff can happen and kids have to learn to make some judgement calls. She is a smart cookie, not sure that she uses her good senses all the time.

Sometimes she goes to friends houses and I am one of those parents that will call the house to make sure an adult is home (of course there is no way to know the level of supervision). Also, if I haven't met the kid, she is not allowed to go to their house. Her friends hang out at our house too-watch movies, eat pizza, etc.

Just trying to balance all of this. My parents were overly protective and I definitely lied to do what I viewed were normal teenage activities (ex. going to the movies with a boy at 15). I am viewed as one of the stricter moms of her group and I don't want her to clam up as I did with my mom. So lighten up or tighten up???

should I read her texts? I have done that in the past and my SIL who is a HS teacher told me not to-that she should be allowed to have private conversations. [/quote]

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