Reply to Appropriate Punishment for Lying?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dad was a high school teacher for 30 years. He always says, "Never ask a kid to lie to you." By that he means: don't ask questions you already know the answer to. I don't know if this applies in this case, but perhaps something to think about going forward. If you know your kid played the Wii or did something else he shouldn't have done, don't ask him. *Tell* him you know he broke a rule and go from there.

I think you've gotten some good advice above, but I will just emphasize that ALL kids lie sometimes, so don't get too bogged down worrying about your child's personal ethics. Just stick to the facts: lying breaks trust and therefore can't be tolerated in personal relationships. Sometimes lying seems like the easy way out, but in the long run it is detrimental to the relationship. I think a lot of parents get all tied up with the morality of lying when really most lying kids do is just to make things easier/better in the very short term. Not materially different from deciding not to do one's homework and not thinking about the longer term consequences. Our job is to get them to recognize the long-term benefits of being trustworthy, and to act now to reap those rewards. [/quote]

Your dad's advice is actually borne out by the research.  THere's a chapter in *NurtureShock* about kids' lying, and one of the insights is that all kids lie, and it's developmentally normal.  They often lie because they don't want to disappoint you, so they give you the answer they think you want, even if it's not the truth, so the best strategy is to emphasize that lying is more disappointing to you than the underlying offense.  I think it was that book as well that talked about not setting kids up to fail--i.e., don't ask them questions you know the answer to.  Just say that you know they broke the rule and address that issue.[/quote]

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