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[quote=Anonymous]5 is young, but the longer this behavior persists, the deeper the habit becomes entrenched.

The fact is, a 5-year old from a good, happy family, surrounded by a gaggle of nice friends and warm extended families -- that child will not melt because she's a bad apple. She has some issues that need to be addressed.

I second looking into environmental problems:
- lead tests (there could be a source of lead anywhere, not just home. A favorite toy at daycare, which she used to mouth a lot could do the trick). Just do it -- and screen for other heavy metals as well. (Pediatrician)

- allergies -- as someone mntionned, the carpets, pets, neighborhood trees -- they all cold be a the culprit. If you cannot isolate, you may simply try a few days with an over the counter allergy medication and look for changes.

- Sleep -- does she get a good night sleep? Enough hours of actual shut eye? Free and clear airways? Sleep in her room a few nights, and listen in to her breathing. A down allergy may well mean that she gets congested in the middle of the night and has a compromised sleep. That is easily resolved.

- Food -- we cut most sweets for a while, and still have a big interdiction on food coloring (especially blue) and artificial flavorings. Kid simply goes kaboom on those, can't afford to let her eat that stuff. Now that she's bigger, we let her eat *some*, rarely, but only after she eats something solid -- a cheese stick, usually -- before. We also have fish a few times a week and avoid white starches.

- Physical activities. School is extremely confining for an anxious 5-year old. Some good old fashion social time after school at the playground will do miracles -- as long as a solid snack comes along and bedtime is respected. Miracles -- both to release energy, and to release anxiety. Expect to be there and help guide interactions so that they stay positive -- all kids are tired at that time. Or, try ballet, yoga, soccer. We did drama ("let your dramatic voice stay there!"), ballet and swimming. And lots of outdoor playtime. TV is for weekend movie night only during the school year in our home.

- Routines -- this is where all those parenting books come in. I'm disorganized (yeah, I, too, have ADHD), but have to make an effort to guide DD through some fairly rigid routines (come downstairs for breakfast *after* you are ready for school and have brushed your teeth). Some activities, we just pass on, if they impinge on sleep or regular hours.

- Parent education -- "Raising your Spirited Child" and the companion "Parents, kids and power struggles", both excellent. In addition, "The explosive child" -- which opened our eyes that it was really not our parenting that was the problem, and that it was not behavioral.; 1-2-3 Magic! worked well, "How to talk so kids will listen".

- If she is in a full day K or preK, go have lunch with them. See how she interacts with her peers, how she eats, figure out is there is a source of stress at school. Try to get her some accommodations for a short rest period in the afternoon -- even if she goes to the clinic or the office for some quiet time.

With all those in place, by all means, do get a psychological evaluation, something that includes anxiety and depression evaluation. It may or may not translate in medication, but at least it will let you make an informed decision.

In the end, taking medicine for about 6 months have allowed us to just see the light. We're scaling back (DD is a very efficient absorber of medicine, so her dose was small to begin with), but now we're working on completely weaning her off, and it seems to be working well. While you will hear a lot of folks complaining that medicine has not been tested on children, the fact is, it *has*. Just not in the long term, which is how folks tend to take it.

Contrary to what you hear, if ADHD is your nemesis, you won;t necessarily need to chronically medicate. But you do need to break the cycle somehow, and medicine can help.

You will not know until you talk to the pediatrician and ask for a referral to have some tests. Having attended to the envoironmental factors on your own, and read some of the parenting books above will lend you a bit more credibiliy when inevitably someone will raise an eyebrow and ask about *your* parenting skills.

And while we all can stand to become better parents, I agree with those who pointed out that stress accumulated during the day explodes when she feels safe -- in front of you. She and you will be all right in the long time.[/quote]

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