Reply to Do I tell my brother a family secret about him that everyone but him knows??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I knew a man in this situation. Everyone in the family knew he had been adopted, but him. When the mother died, before her death, she asked the sister (her biological daughter) to shred the adoption papers. She did, and then she kept the secret even longer.

His world has been rocked to the core, and he is in therapy. He has a great wife and kids who support him, though.

Do not underestimate the profound effect this will have on your brother. BUT, it is his moral right to know the truth. It is a horrible violation of trust that his family has colluded in lying to him for this long.

Hugs to you and to him. This is tough stuff.

He deserves to know who is biological father is, if he chooses to search. Perhaps that information can give him some peace. I would hope your grandmother, before she passes, will provide that information to him. She surely knows who the dad was.
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Tell him.

My dad was not the biological son of his "father."  His "father" (my "grandfather") was an abusive prick to him all of his life. He was also cold, distant and sometimes abusive to my dad's kids, especially my youngest brother. My dad spent a lifetime trying to make his dad happy and it never worked.

When I finally found out that my dad's "father" wasn't his biological dad and wasn't my grandfather, it was as if a great weight had lifted. I was free of wondering why that evil old coot abused my dad and was mean to me and to my brothers. We weren't his. We didn't belong to him.

The way I found out was pretty dramatic, BTW.  My "grandfather" died after my dad.  He had the truth put in the will as explanation for why my brothers and I were disinherited. I was shocked, but am happy enough to trade the money for the truth. Some part of that truth is that if I am not genetically related to my grandfather, I don't have the risk of bipolar disorder that I previously thought I did. Yay!

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