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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I knew a man in this situation. Everyone in the family knew he had been adopted, but him. When the mother died, before her death, she asked the sister (her biological daughter) to shred the adoption papers. She did, and then she kept the secret even longer.

His world has been rocked to the core, and he is in therapy. He has a great wife and kids who support him, though.

Do not underestimate the profound effect this will have on your brother. BUT, it is his moral right to know the truth. It is a horrible violation of trust that his family has colluded in lying to him for this long.

Hugs to you and to him. This is tough stuff.

He deserves to know who is biological father is, if he chooses to search. Perhaps that information can give him some peace. I would hope your grandmother, before she passes, will provide that information to him. She surely knows who the dad was.
[/quote]

Agree with this.  My uncle was adopted and everyone -- including his ex-wife knew about it, except him.  My grandmother had sworn that she would never tell him and no-one wanted to cross her.  Well, for two decades after she died, still no-one told him.  He was in his late 50s when he found out because one of his children developed a congenital disease of which there was no history in our family.  He was devastated and shocked.  (We had all assumed that he "knew" but didn't want to admit it -- apparently it had never occurred to him).  However, he was also angry that no-one had told him.  I'd known since I was a kid, and didn't think it my place to tell him.  In retrospect I wish I had pressed someone in the family to do so.  He was particularly angry because he really wanted to find his birth parents and by the time he found out no-one was alive who could give him more information and the birth parents were also likely deceased.  So far he has not been able to find them.[/quote]

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