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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement.

I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?[/quote]

PP here who knows where you're coming from, OP. Went through the flustered phase for a long time, then finally let go. In fairness, my mother had made it clear a while ago that she wanted to let go of the relationship, and I should have listened to her. It was a sense of duty and a longing for family that made me keep trying, but I should have listened to her and let go.

So I didn't have feelings of guilt or remorse about letting go, more like remorse for not letting go soon enough. It wasn't fair to either of us to keep trying. When someone keeps behaving badly in a relationship, I think there's a duty that the emotionally-healthy person has to make the kinds of decisions that support healthy behaviors. You don't want to keep enabling the bad behavior, especially if there's absolutely no chance of improvement, as was the case with my mother. If that means ending a relationship, then you need to do that, even if it's your own mother you're saying goodbye to.[/quote]

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