Reply to Do I need to put my big girl pants on? a novel

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[quote=Anonymous]I hate to advocate lying, but for now, I would just say DD is sick (maybe a "on our way to the doctors!" etc text), since you're getting really anxious about it (I am the same way).

Then, you really need to explore these issues a little more and come up with a reasonable solution.  What PP said here is spot-on:

"Your parents are not treating your daughter the way you want, on your terms. Well, they are after all adults, and grandparents -- not her parents. If your own childhood was marred by dad and mom not paying enough attention, that is an issue for you to work through however you want. But don't expect them to change; change your reactions to them and change how you handle visits. Would it be thoughtful and kind and loving of them to think instead about things to do that are appropriate for and fun for your child? Absolutely. Do you know from experience that they will not do that? Yes, you do. Does it make them bad and evil? Well, no; it makes them adults who have spent a long time without kids around and who are living their lives as they normally do when you are present."

People without kids, or people with grown children, don't totally get into kid-mode, and don't care to either.  And that's fine.  But, it does suck that she puts on the front for her friends - which is what she's doing, right?  And it sucks that she insists on the visits and then refuses to interact/play with DD.  Like you said, it's not like your foisting the visits on her and then expecting her to completely do a 180 and be all about DD.  That's the part that would annoy the crap out of me.

The issue with your brother- I won't even get into that.  You will NOT STAY THERE or even visit if he's there.  Period.  I don't care if you just see him and leave with no explanation.  Just leave.

Regarding your DH-  It is nice to see he is backing you up while also letting you take the reins- usually on DCUM you see either the DH not sticking up for the DW, or the DH pushing the DW into a situation, or dictating too much- it seems like he agrees with you, backs you up, stands his ground, but is letting you make the ultimate decisions, since it is your mom after all.

Can you be frank but not judgemental (like a PP suggested) and maybe write your parents an email (since it seems like they won't do face to face confrontation well)?  Tell them what you said here, but in a matter of fact way.  I find sometimes when I can write something out, I can look over it, edit it, wait a while before deciding to send it, ... etc.  It helps me.

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