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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has her husband been abusive (trying to isolate her)?[/quote]

No, she just always had excuses.[/quote]

Her "excuses" might have been to cover up the fact her husband was the controlling type and did not want her to come. Or he was abusive and she didn't want you to notice evidence of that. Or she was ashamed -- maybe because he was controlling or abusive or, even if he was just dandy, maybe she was ashamed because her marriage was not a good one. Yes, people can let that make them feel ashamed and afraid to see others, out of fear of questions being asked.

Why assume the worst? Why assume she was...being mean, ignoring you, ignoring your child, whatever? Why not assume the best and say, "She's reaching out in a time of need and maybe there have been things going on these past years of which I was totally unaware, and maybe now we can restart a relationship."

You never say whether you two were ever close at all, or just cordial, etc. That does matter somewhat, but in the end, she has not done anything outright to hurt or attack you in the past four years (at least, not that you mention) and you have not made a huge effort to be the one to go see her, either.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and say yes to a visit. She may need someone who will listen to her. But if she comes and needs to talk about her divorce, yet you want to hash out "Why didn't you visit [b]me[/b] more often?!" etc., -- well, please don't do that. Not now, at least. You may not end up being best buddies but you at least can see her and talk to her; just don't make it about you right now. [/quote]

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