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[quote=Anonymous]My mother is like this.  In my case, my father was the narcissist (yes, it was diagnosed if that makes any difference).  He was also incredibly abusive, verbally, emotionally and physically.  My mother's whole life revolved around him and accommodating him.  And, it wasn't just because she was afraid of his rages.  She WANTED to do it.  I played sports all through high school, they never saw a single game and I had to arrange rides home from practice and to/from games.  I showed animals in 4-H (we lived in a rural area).  I biked to all the meetings, arranged to get my animals/projects to the fairs and they never saw a single event/show.  I saved my babysitting money to pay entry fees and buy supplies.  I look back as an adult, with kids of my own, and I feel like crying remembering how kind people were to me (and my grandmother as well).

After my father died, my mother re-married and that man became the total focus of her life.  He was a nice guy and treated my mother much better but she made all her plans with him and his family.  My brother was in the military, deployed and coming home for the first time in 4 years.  She wasn't even going to come up from Florida (where she was wintering) for his arrival - he was coming home to the Midwest where we were all lived. Also after my father died, she went back to church and started attending regularly.  She was so involved and devoted, people just thought she was amazing and wonderful.  She was the same way with her adult stepkids (who had kids).  We were going to back to the Midwest for a visit, at her request and during the time she requested, two years ago with our 3 small kids - until we found out that she wasn't going to be there.  She was going to be two hours away babysitting one of her step-grandkids whose parents were going on a cruise.  We were welcome to stay at her house but she wasn't going to be there.  People think she's a saint and can't understand why her kids don't have more to do with her - we're such ingrates.  If they only knew the reality is that she'll do for everyone else but not us.[/quote]

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