Reply to What is the best memory of your mom growing up? What did she do special?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom just left our home after staying with my family this summer.  I always thought it would be wonderful to live with her; I had all these fantasies of what I thought it would be. But it was Diaster , too much 24/7, we ended up fighting all the time.   I am trying to think of warm fuzzy thoughts  about her to reminisce on from the past to make me "like" her again.  I love her but I just don't like her; after this summer she definitely feels the same way.  I want a better relationship with my kids. What's your warm fuzzy memory of growing up with mom?[/quote]

The warm and fuzzy stuff with your small kids won't make them have a better relationship with you when they're adults.  It's just hard to be an adult and then live with a parent: there are power issues and you do things your own way and so on.  Probably the best thing you can do is write down, now, the things your mom does/did that made you crazy so that you can remember not to do them in 20 years.  I don't mean "Gah she loads the dishwasher wrong," but what's really behind it.  For me, it's that my mom tends to hear what she wants to hear rather than what I say, see what she wants to even if that's not reality.

But I like your idea of using warm fuzzy memories to get back to liking your mom.  My mom wanted us to have and do everything that she wasn't able to as a kid, especially travel.  So as a family we traveled all over the US and some of Europe; she sent us to camps and study abroad programs.  We were not rich: she worked really hard, nights and weekends, to afford it.  Sometimes it seemed extravagant compared to what my peers were doing, but I have all these amazing memories of family trips.  And while I was studying abroad in college, she couldn't stand that I was gone at Christmas so she came out -- alone, even though she'd never traveled alone -- and we went to Italy together before my winter break ended, just the two of us.  It was great.[/quote]

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