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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To PP--but what you did say is ridiculous--"the parents who believe their kids are following their rules because their kids are perfect human beings and wouldn't dare to break a rule that was set are fooling themselves."

Parents like me who believe our kids are following our rules do not believe our kids are perfect human beings (???).  And we're not fooling ourselves that they're following our rules--we know that they're abiding by them. [b] So your statement is just wrong[/b].[/quote]

My statement was actually my opinion so, by definition, it cannot be "wrong" as you claim....also, you do know that when I said perfect human beings I was being facetious. I know you understand what I was trying to say and you're simply cherry picking for fake emphasis. Oh and adding the excessive exclamation points was a nice little touch.

But more to the point - I think it's great if your kids are following the rules - great job and great for your kids. My kids also follow our rules, but I never set a rule in the house without having a reasonable discussion as to the reasons the rules are set (i.e. the reasons that drinking at a young age is not good from a health perspective and not simply because it is illegal). I'm not perfect and my kids aren't perfect so I would never presume to believe they are. However, you and I both know that there are plenty of parents out there who do believe their kids are perfect. I don't know how old your kids are, but I don't believe for a minute that you haven't run into a parent who believes "Little Johnny" or "Little Susie" is perfect and would never break a rule. I can tell you the example of a party thrown by a friend for her son's birthday (10th grade) a few years ago. She did everything she should to avoid any kids bringing alcohol - taking backpacks, having adults at the party, etc. One young girl decided to bring a bottle of hard alcohol, tried to refuse putting the backpack where she was asked and my friend heard the clink of a glass bottle. When the mother was called and told the woman said she doesn't believe her DD would do such a thing because they had expressly forbidden her from drinking - she was quite insistent that it could never have happened and it must have been someone else...Turns out this girl was one of the biggest partiers of the grade. She did a masterful job of hiding it from her parents and admitted it was because her parents were very strict and would never understand. My friend's son told us this because he thought she was heading in a bad direction. I can also tell you about the girl in my DD's grade who insists to her mother that she needs to be in her room alone because she has so much work and all she does at school is study, study, study. The mother insists that her DD cannot be part of problem group at lunch because she only works at school - that's the rules in their house. Yep - you guessed it - my DD tells me she is the center of problems and admits that she lies to her mother. She doesn't want to deal with telling her mother the truth. Her mom actually brags about her DD's incredible work ethic and pats herself on the back that it because she has set limits and expectations for her kids.

So, my point is that rules without discussion may be useless. Rules without reasoning lead kids to want that forbidden fruit rather than understanding that they should wait until they are older or when they can appreciate it better. Kids are smart and deserve better with regard to rules and expectations. Basically I'm telling people to stop with the "My house, my rules" mentality and move toward the "We need to discuss the reasons why you can't do xyz" - the results will be much better.

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