Reply to FIL's GF is a sh*t-stirrer; how to deal?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am in a similar situation. Mom is a widow, left in good financial shape by my excellent dad. Annoying BF has been around for 12 years now. He basically latched onto my mom (and all her stuff-houses, car, lifestyle) and self declared himself a part of the family. He has always been extremely rude and sometimes downright offensive to me (of course never in front of my mom, husband or older brother). I have tried to politely talk to my mom about these incidents but she says that I am over-reacting or mis-interpreting (I'm not). He has successfully driven a wedge between me and my mom and has so firmly planted himself in my mother's life that it is impossible to even see her without him right there. EVERYONE thinks the guy is so annoying but I am the only one to ever speak up, so I am the mean, over reacting hysterical daughter. UGH.

A few general words of advice based on my experience...

1. Talk to FIL...tell him that your family needs a relationship with him separate from anyone else. Grandpa, Dad, FIL.
2. Set the boundaries. Let her know through words and actions that she is just what she is:FIL's GF, not family. 
3. Call her out on the passive aggressive shit immediately, right out in the open. 
4. Don't let her take over all the care of FIL, managing his doctors' appts, meds, all that fun aging stuff. For a single parent, the adult children should take that responsibility (maybe I'll start a separate thread on all the crazy shit the BF did last year when mom had surgery...is there a Munchausen's for 65 year old BF's?)

Good luck, hit it straight on. Not sure about the Chuckie Cheese idea, that would be sweeping the issue under the rug. Do what you want, how you want to do it. What about MIL? Will she be there?[/quote]

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