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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually I would recommend an elder care attorney. [/quote]

This. One in her state, not yours, if you are in different states.

While she is still capable of thinking about it (and Alzheimer's can move fast in some people, I've seen it where early-onset caused fast decline) you must get a power of medical attorney and a power of legal attorney. If you don't do it now, you will have to go through a court to do it when she starts to lose it mentally, and that will be horrid, painful and difficult. Then you must talk to social services people who specialize in the elderly and in dementia patients in particular. You need to be lining things up now, not later: Where will she live (she cannot stay at home much longer without either in-home care or the alternative of moving to assisted living), who will pay for what, etc. Unless she divorces your dad and fast, he is going to have all medical and legal and financial power over her and could make her life hell. He needs to man up and meet with you and a lawyer about this and either legally commit to providing for her or divorce her so she gets provisions in a settlement.

If he's with someone else, how long do you really think he's going to pay mom's bills?

Is she on Medicare already? Do you know the Medicaid rules? Being married could mean she "has" too much money to qualify for Medicaid if she needs it (even if she lacks a penny of her own in reality). Do you know for sure it's diagnosed Alzheimer's? Is she under a doctor's regular care? How can she reliably get to a doctor for care if she has early-onset Alzheimer's? Is she still driving -- and should she even be doing that?

There are a million questions but you are focused on your siblings, other relatives and yourself. Soon you could get the call that mom burned herself trying to cook because she left the stove on too high, or she ran the car up onto a curb and hit someone or something, or she was found in the mall wandering and not knowing how to ask for help. Alzheimer's puts her at real risk. Get past yourself and your problems with siblings and get her some real help and full-time care of some form or you'll be getting some scary calls sooner rather than later.

You need to travel out to where she is and get aggressive about this so you can have some peace of mind. And it starts with figuratively slapping daddy around and getting legal help to make daddy step up and do what he must financially. Forget your siblings. [/quote]

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