Reply to ILs/DH "set others up" and resort to gas lighting...

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[quote=Anonymous]Before my DH and I got married, I was a different person when I was with both my parents and (then) significant other-(now) DH.  My mother was very, very narcissistic, and pretty miserable to be around even when she was trying to be nice.  I never realized that I frequently adapted her cynical, can't-please-me attitude toward life in general (when I was with her and SO--otherwise I think I was mostly a nice person) until my SO very lovingly and gently pointed it out to me.  It was painful, but I realized he was right and there was no need for me to be like her.

Maybe your husband doesn't realize that he is a completely different person around his family.  Maybe you need to have a gentle loving but completely upfront conversation about it after your next family vacation, when you can focus on his behavior and how hurtful it is.  Never hurts to remind our spouses that we're their family now, that we deserve their best behavior.  If he can't see his behavior, you should say that you'd like to opt out of his family vacations in future when it's very stressful and unenjoyable to you. [/quote]

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