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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I would love to push myself for my children!  One way or the other. DH has taken to having them team against me.  He blames me.

The gas lighting is hard to describe (part of why manipulative people do it) - they won't come out and say "ugh, it's a terrible dinner" (its not that bad, really), but they will say (I'm trying to think of examples, they are extremely passive aggressive....) "what did YOU have growing up?"  "did your mother do all of the cooking?"

Or (unrelated to cooking) deny something that they very definitely did.

They ask me questions which would sound normal to normal people, but contrived and added together, very one way.  They NEVER discuss what they did growing up, or what their family member did.  They work overtime to pigeonhole me.  The sad part is, after all these years, they know so very little about me!  I've never heard them talk to anyone else this way.

In fact, when DHs relative "worked" for DH, it would be "SHE (meaning me) does this, SHE does that...." In response to anything most would consider trivial. But after years of hearing it (and what they said always got back to me), its kind of tiring.

Wouldn't it be a lot less work to actually get to know me?  Most of them haven't bothered.  Another example, I will ask them to go for a walk on the beach and they will say no (and leave it at that, which is fine).  30 seconds later anyone else will ask, and they will take off without telling me.  Which kind of hurts after the third time, even though it is predictable and shouldn't.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever done anything to them.  I try to be kind and supportive, but its really getting me nowhere with such nasty people.

If I go to a family function or something where their family and/or friends are present, it is crystal clear I've been bad mouthed with some (more than usual) negativity.  Once someone finally decides to include me in the conversation, (I don't mean this to sound petty, I just talk to my kids) - they have this reaction toward me that says "oh, she's not as bad as you (MIL) say." And then I have a fine relationship with all of the outsiders.  She eventually makes herself look bad, because no one is really interested in such games.

But DH falls into it.  It is as if he needs to be debriefed after being with them.  I would feel better if he had one on one time with his BILs, because they seem genuinely nice.  I have zero idea how they ended up here, really.

Can families really turn each other into such nasty SOBs?

I start to feel that if I describe their behavior, I'm the one that sounds crazy (I know I'm not - my family is far from perfect, but his family makes mine look normal).

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