Reply to Financially Dependent Grandparent- wwyd

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[quote=Anonymous]DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN.  My suggestion: put together some options for her that she can do on her own.  Maybe help connect her with resources, help her through the process a little.  But, don't commit your extra funds to her.

My mother is currently living with us.  Not frugal, though I thought she was.  It turns out her money-saving tricks were because she'd burn everything in her bank account and need to do X, Y, or Z (i.e. live off of pennies).  I just wrote her another check, because she overextended herself again.  She is looking for a job so that she can get her own place.  I love her lots, wanted to take care of her, but sometimes tough love is the best way to do that.

In our society, we are caught between the notion that we should take care of our parents and the other notion that our parents are adults and should take care of themselves.  I moved out at 17 and I have paid my way for the past 15 years.  I paid for my college, straightened out my own debt, and built this life for myself.  Other friends, I know their parents bought them cars, houses, paid for college, etc.  Set them up pretty good.  Based on what turned into a trial run (where she basically spent all her money in the first month and started to control my life), I am not going to spend the next 20-40 years giving all of my peace, money, and happiness to my mother.

My mother is not "a hard person to live with" but she's a hard person to live with.  She is also very anxious and could really benefit from PTSD therapy.  She is NEVER happy.  When I do something, she's not happy.  When I don't do something, the fact that I took her feelings into consideration makes her not happy.  It makes living in my house stressful.  She's a bit selfish at times.  I didn't realize that.  She got drunk at my baby shower and that turned into a horrible evening.  That was one of many bad situations we've gotten ourselves into.

My mom at least helps us out by watching LO while we're at work (she is compensated).  I am very thankful for the time DD gets to spend with her.  I had been so excited for her to move in with me.  But, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have made this choice.  [/quote]

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