Reply to 17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you sound like a very nice, kind and caring parent and I'm really sorry you have to go through this. A few observations and questions in no particular order, to consider:

You have not mentioned DD's father. What's the story there? At her age, especially if depression is part of this mix, that almost always has something to do with it.

While I very much admire your apparently close relationship with your daughter, and hope to have the same situation with my own (younger) one one day, some of your (beautifully written!) language makes me think you are crossing the parent/ friend line. Your responsibility to her is not to have her like you now, but to steer her on a path that will best serve her for the rest of her life. You and I both know that pot is a sure detour off of that path. Please don't ever forget that. It sounds like it is just you and DD in this family, living in a new city, and you may have inadvertently slid a little too far down the "buddy" category.

Are you involved at all in DD's school -- do you know her teachers, the PTA, parents of other kids, etc.? What about her extra activities? Have you tried encouraging her to get involved in volunteering for an issue she feels strongly about? Helping others and seeing their plights first-hand is good fix for teen age sulking.

Good luck, and please keep posting. I'm learning a lot here!

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Thanks for your response and kind words! I actually noted that I'm a WAHSM--work at home single mom. Dad left the country before DD was born, but we have visited him on occasion.

I personally worry about the friend vs. mom issue as well, so I'm glad to hear your thoughts and know that I'm not being paranoid. Again, we almost never fight as we have both been good at listening to each other, and I seldom feel like she's challenging my authority. I want to acknowledge any mistakes I make (such as holding off calling DD's friend's parents for so long, and overreacting in my rule-making), but also stay firm on certain rules (e.g. no drugs in the house or in my presence).

Regrettably, I'm not as involved in DD's school as I wish I could be. Lately I have been spending a lot of time with my family and sister, but of course this is no excuse since I should always put my child first. We made brownies together for a cheerleading fundraiser, but DD isn't very close with her teammates. When I met them, I could see why--most of them, especially the varsity girls, are very stereotypically preppy, and DD has always had a more alternative taste. They seemed very sweet when I met them, but DD said that she often feels like the odd one out. I encouraged her to join clubs of a political nature since that's definitely her kind of thing, but she was disappointed to discover that a lot of the clubs were founded by groups of friends who just wanted to pad their college applications and write that they were president/co-president of some club or other. I was honestly always a little scared of how intense the PTA seemed, but I'll try to get involved so I can meet other parents from the school.

Thanks for suggesting volunteering! DD is vegan and very passionate about animal rights, and used to volunteer at the local shelter back in SF. I encouraged her to focus on academics during the school year, but now that it's summer it would be a great way for her to be productive and meet people who share her ideals.

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