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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Take the toys.  Keep anything that can be cleaned and used.  Then box them up the rest and recycle/donate/hide them.

The bigger issue seems to be that she is constantly questioning your choices.  Just tell her that you know that child-rearing norms have changed since she was raising her kids, but you're following the advice of your pediatrician.  You know that you have different ideas about what's safe/necessary, but you don't appreciate the constant criticisms and you'd appreciate it if she saved any comments for times she truly thinks you're doing something that might endanger your children.  Then stop with the back and forth.  Seriously, stop engaging.

Part of the dynamic here seems to be that you feel the need to assert your parenting supremacy over her verbally--"I'll have to look over the toys because some of them might not be safe."  Just say, "Thanks, Grandma!  I'd love to see my husband's old toys!"  You don't even have to tell her you're going to sort through them, just sort through them.  "Thanks for digging out those toys.  Brayden really loves his dad's old trucks!"

Which is to say, disengage.  She probably feels defensive because she raised her kids under the safety standards of the day, and you're constantly telling her that those aren't good enough.  [/quote]

Excellent advise. You're being kind of hostile towards grandma - it's really sweet that she saved the prior generation's toys. You don't have to use every single one but if there's even one your child likes and you feel is safe - grandma will be so tickled.

The occasional piece of unwarranted advice is totally normal - even my dad, who was a pretty hands off dad, does this and it's a little annoying but just say "thanks" when they offer a gift and if you're in a good mood when she gives a parenting suggestion, just explain your thinking. She's trying to make conversation- that's all. My MIL has a million suggestions but all she wants is to feel included; if I tell her why we're doing it this way and not that way, she's happy. Sometimes I have patience for it, other times I just change the subject. [/quote]

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