Reply to What would you do if you were the DIL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I don't think MIL understands why DH is so distant and why he wouldn't call back. Maybe she is in denial or maybe she think she has been so much better for many years.  Is it up to me to tell her the real reason? [/quote]

Either way you are in an awkward (and unfair) position.  Either you need to play along with your DH's passive aggressive ways-and it seems like you aren't comfortable with that approach, or you become the intermediary between the two of them-personally I think that is a really unhealthy dynamic (happens all the time in my crazy family).  Personally, I think DH needs to be the one to bring up the issue of his childhood.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him that his relationship/lack of relationship with his mom is creating real problems for you-be specific about all the situations you've described above.  He needs to be able to tell you: what kind of relationship does he want to have with his mom?  What kind of relationship does he want your kid to have with his mom?  Will he go to therapy to address issues in his childhood?  And will he work with you to come up with some short term solutions, so that you don't get stuck between MIL and DH?

[/quote]

I agree with this.  MIL may be awful, but being passive-aggressive and letting you be in intermediary is not the way to handle it.  Your husband needs to tell you what he wants and deal with his mother.  Yeah, he may have had a crappy childhood, but he's an adult now and needs to start acting like one.  You should be in the position of supporting him in his approach, not running interference.  [/quote]

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