Reply to Is it wrong to tell a child they were a surprise/accident? What about unwanted?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, Im curious as to what the net gain for the DC#2 would be in having this information?

My mother did tell me I was unexpected, that she and my dad were using the rhythm method, and she would joke that there was a "one day" miscalculation that resulted in me. And that she was so glad to have me, that the whole idea of planning a child for the right time was probably silly as there is no such thing as the perfect time. She told me being a parent taught her to be less selfish(she was pretty damned unselfish, and my guess is she kinda was already like that before me!). She also told me that I should never feel like I have to have a child. That I could chose not to and that would be ok. But she would not want to ever have been without me, and, when she was dying of cancer she reiterated all this and let me know how horrible her situation be if she didnt have me.

So, in my case, there was never a sense that I was less valued because I was an accident. Rather, my takeaway was this unexpected event transformed her life, and that despite the challenges of parenting, I was a source of joy, and a friend a comfort to her in her last years of iife. She died at age 50. Miss her lots.

I've already told DD that she was planned (she was in that we stopped using birth control so I could get pregnant- still took a year!) and that we are both so glad we decided to have a child because we almost decided against it. I will also tell her about me, and waht my mother said to me.

The net gain to her would be the knowledge that children come into our lives a variety of ways, and that in both my case and hers, there was/is love in great abundance!

So, in my opinion, the motivation for telling her should be to point out that the roads to happy outcomes are delightfully varied.[/quote]

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