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[quote=Anonymous]OP, this is a tough situation.  I do wonder whether issues like the stairs are more about preventing possible harm to your kids (though agree that yelling isn't the way to get that message across).  That said, I have a couple of really nasty relatives - not racists but just plain malicious and nasty people.  After trying to appease them, talk with them about my concerns and why their behavior was hurtful, and after enduring countless attacks and incidents of nastiness, I made the decision that it was best not to expose myself and my family to them any longer.  Very tough decision and unfortunately one that has caused continued pain because it divides my family.  But I just could not in good concious expose my kids, my husband, and myself to their behavior.

Also, as you've mentioned yourself, I miss out on relationships with their children who are quite dear.  There's no easy way.  My thought is to talk plainly to your sister about the way she speaks (racists comments, yelling at your kids).  I would also see if maybe staying in a hotel instead of their house makes more sense for you and eases the tension.  Lastly, if the behavior continues, you may want to consider visiting them alone - sans DH and kids.  [/quote]

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