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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course there is hope!
My DH is 51 and just found a job with difficulty after nearly two years.

He had applied to dozens of positions, most of which did not contact him: probably in part because he has an unusual background and is overqualified, probably also due to hiring freezes/reticence. He made the shortlist for those who did, but was never chosen until a few month ago. He also could not use his network, which is mainly in Europe.

I may add that he looks quite ten years younger than his age, and that I do not think appearance is the direct issue here. Rather, in these difficult economic times where jobs are scarce, an experienced person is perhaps not as desirable as before. People glance at the resume and think: "Yikes! Too expensive. Let's get the job done a little more shoddily by a junior".

It was a painful time, financially, psychologically, on all fronts. Our lives where put on hold for 18 months and I became quite paranoid about weekly expenses, let alone making any kind of long-range plans. I cannot work in this country, so we just conserved money as much as we could, and felt very lucky that we had a bit put by. Uncertainty plays with your mind to an unholy degree!
I completely sympathize with the strain it puts on your family and your marriage. Even though I had input on DH's cover letters and all professional correspondance, I had to walk on eggshells sometimes because the pressure on him was just too great. This is a person who used to work in the ICU! Nerves of steel. But a year and a half sans job will tell on anyone...

Your DH is well-regarded. He has a network that can scout for posts and recommend him. Above all, the more interviews he has, the more confident and in control he will appear. My DH made use of a very practical book called Landing the Job You Want: How to Have the Best Job Interview of Your Life 
http://www.amazon.com/Landing-Job-You-Want-Interview/dp/0609804081
He told me it was extremely useful and changed the way he described his past experience during interviews. Borrow it from the library.

You DH does not need to network like crazy if he feels it is not helpful right now. On the other hand keeping up contacts and seeing old business associates will help him stay alert to changes in his field and make him feel he's still part of his industry.

Cut out all unnecessary expense. Are you sure the therapist is working out for him? On the other hand, regular exercise like a morning jog is a great mood booster. Sex is great too, even though you might not be in the mood if he's grumpy :-)

Big hug to both of you! Keep at it.
I'm sure it will work out.

[/quote]

OP. Thank you so much for posting this! It does give me hope! And thanks for the book suggestion. I will run out and get it (from the library!) and make sure DH reads it. If he won't read it I will!

I've tried to get him to exercise, but he won't do it. I've started exercising regularly with my kids just to help maintain my sanity. I'd hoped DH would follow suit, but not so far. His therapist seems OK, but he just started a few weeks ago. I think it's good for him to have another person to talk to outside of the family. He's really embarrassed by his inability to find a better job. Humiliated is more like it.

Curious: Does your DH know why he was finally chosen? My DH can't understand why he wasn't offered all four positions he interviewed for. He felt completely confident about each, thought all interviews went well, and in the end, they chose someone else, generally younger, cheaper, no doubt. But he has nothing on the horizon, and nothing left to do but go back to his contacts for the third or fourth time. Many of the people he's been speaking with have told him they don't have any jobs, but he's not sure if that's true or they are putting him off. This most recent job he lost out on he was recruited for the interview process (through a connection), and he was told repeatedly that his background was very impressive, etc. They didn't choose him, though, and DH is just baffled by this. As am I.

What was the difference that made the employers hire your DH finally? [/quote]

22:21 here.
The same thing happened to my DH: recruiters always said they were extremely impressed by his resume, DH was always confident he was their top choice, and... no offer. What is surprising is that many of these jobs DH applied to are still open, after one year! I think they have a large pool of applicants to choose from and maybe are not encouraged to hire quickly, given the slump and lack of funding, so positions are not getting filled... on the other hand, I know a few posts were filled by younger, less qualified applicants, so that clearly indicates senior professionals are too expensive. Finally, I have grudgingly come to realize that being already out of work is not attractive to recruiters, which is sad. That's usually the time when people try to apply for jobs!

DH was finally chosen because of specific reasons: the boss wanted a nearly impossible combination of skills, which he finally found in DH, and the boss was also under pressure to fill the vacancy because the previous person had left before the contract ended. DH had to accept a 10% pay cut compared to his previous salary, and we are under very tight cash flow right now. However, what matters most is that DH is back in the game and can hoist himself up from here!

Regarding contacts, I can't tell you how many times DH had to ask the same people over and over again for letters of recommendations in the past few years. I was embarrassed. To ease their pain, he actually wrote them himself and asked his colleagues to look them over and sign! DH is currently in elaborate talks for another position down the road, in which references will have more weight than before. When recruiters notify him that they will be contacting his references, he sends an email to his colleagues to prime them about the exact nature of the post and even for one key person what exact arguments to advance in his favor... hopefully all of this works out, because this new post is much more appropriate for him (and hopefully will pay more!).

There is no shame in being out of work. It's not your DH's fault, and he must try not to feel humiliated, because that is an emotion which will work against him. Your DH has done so much in his life already, he has so much to be proud of, and so much he can bring to a new job! Hold on to that thought![/quote]

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