Reply to Recovering from Betrayal and Deception

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  If you felt like I swindled you by failing to provide enough context -- I apologize.  I was trying to solicit input from others who may have lied/been lied to in different situations.  While my case involves drugs, I'm sure others have been lied to about money, infidelity, etc, so I wanted to hear from those people as well.  Thanks to those who have provided substantive responses and suggestions.

While reading through the comments, this is where I am struggling.

Where I want to be/what I want to do:  "The more anger and sadness you express, the more he will lie to avoid causing a fight or to prevent you from feeling sadness.  . . . Although he violated your trust, he needs to trust you in that he can make mistakes and you'll still accept him.  . . . Don't take it personally, and go on about how your DH is lying to you and how could he, but recognize he's lying b/c that's what addicts do. So hit the nail on the head and work through his problems of addiction rather than making him feel guilty for lying."

my question is:  how do you get there when you're in the hurting place?  Is it just time?

[/quote]

I think you need to realize that his behavior is not related to you. You can't control what he does and since he is an addict you should simply expect this to happen. It's dissapointing yes, and of course you are worried about him. But try to think of this not as something he's done to you, rather something that he has done to himself. Mind you that doesn't mean you have to be in this relationship (totally up to you). You should go to some Al-anon meetings and talk with other people who have relatives with addicition issues. You'll find it enormously helpful.[/quote]

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