Reply to Recovering from Betrayal and Deception

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  While I respect that many people can use pot occasionally/casually/recreationally, my husband is not one of those people.  He has struggled with addiction his entire life, and prior to my meeting him he had a major addiction to cocaine.  When I met him, he had been clean a year (I didn't know this right away, obviously).  He told me then that he couldn't do any drugs casually, not even pot.  He and I made a commitment then that this wouldn't be part of our lives, and he was the one who wanted to make it express and concrete because he knew he couldn't do this casually.  So for us, pot smoking isn't something that is a harmless vice -- its part of the addiction.  Exemplified by the fact he went from zero to 60 with it, and then engaged in a consistent pattern of lying and deception.  This is not something that is harmless, but it is about relapse and -- if not caught/stopped/owned up to -- it is the beginning of a downhill slide.

But I know about addiction, and I know that what I'm dealing with related to the addiction is a whole other ball of wax with a ton of pitfalls and struggles that I wasn't seeking advice on, which is why I left that out of my original post.  [/quote]

Why didn't you explain all of this in your original post? This is very important stuff, so of course you sound like the haranguing wife in your initial posting. You gave absolutely ZERO context on what's happening and why this is hurtful.

My advice? Get him back into weekly NA meetings, talking with a therapist, and don't blow up at him. The more anger and sadness you express, the more he will lie to avoid causing a fight or to prevent you from feeling sadness.
Keep him busy. Start doing a date night every week - just you and him. Stay active on the weekends together - exercising, household projects, etc. Keep his mind off his mistakes.

Although he violated your trust, he needs to trust you in that he can make mistakes and you'll still accept him. Don't hold it over his head and harbor a grudge; that will just further alienate him from you and push him to doing more drugs. You need to support him now, before things get too serious.[/quote]

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