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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here,
Thank you again for the helpful advice.  I'm getting a sense that most of you think the "rarely see her" plan is better than the "flat out refuse to see her" plan.  Is that correct?  Because as it stands right now, I've told family I will not see her/go to her house etc until her behavior changes.  However after 15+ years of this, there's probably zero chance of that so my concession means little.

A big issue is the anxiety I feel when I'm around her...always waiting for the other shoe to drop, when is everything going to go to hell THIS time.  She can take a fun family event and kill it with just her presence as i watch her consume half s bottle of wine and get more argumentative.  Inching closer to the inevitable blow up (wine is sometimes the catalyst but not always - definiely doesnt help).  Many in my family say that this anxiety I feel is my problem, my fault, my issue to deal with and should not be a part of my decision to not see her.    I need to "lighten up" and not "take her so seriously".  Any thoughts on this?

[/quote]

My mother is diagnosed paranoid Schizophrenic and nothing got better until I detached and kept things very superficial. Now that my mother knows she can't manipulate and abuse, she doesn't try. It took me a very long time to realize I was in control.[/quote]

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