Reply to Ballet tickets, MIL, and babysitting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. I probably do need to light up on some level, but as another PP noted, I'm partially annoyed because it IS a passive-aggressive way to get what she wants.

Apart from flat-out refusing to follow "my crazy FTM rules" (put him on his back to sleep, always use the car seat in the car *and* do up the buckles, no giving sugar to the baby as a treat, etc.), she does have some physical limitations and memory issues.

She's almost dropped him quite a few times and usually tries to cover it by saying that he's really wiggly or heavy or strong for her (he's 14lbs, not huge), yet then she tries to lift him up above her head to play "airplane." She's extremely iffy on the stairs and leans heavily on the handrail to get up and down.

She can't remember how to spell his name (it's 4 letters, not difficult), or his birthday, or how old he is. She can't remember if she fed or walked her dog that day, frequently forgets to close and lock the door to her house, often has no idea what day it is, etc.

Anyway, I like the idea of leaving DH with her and going to the ballet with a girlfriend. Or just explaining we're not ready to leave him yet and suggest she use the tickets. The thing is, I see these issues getting worse, not better over time (though he will get to be less work once he can walk, dress himself, etc.), so I'm not sure I will really ever feel comfortable with her babysitting him. [/quote]

OP, your DH and you need to sit down and have a talk with his mom about being evaluated neurologically.  This is not an issue of you being a persnickety FTM.  If she followed your rules for car seats, food, and back to sleep, she'd still be physically frail and have major cognitive deficits.  You don't know what she might forget when she is alone with your child.

You're right that it's going to get worse, that is, if she has Alzheimer's or another degenerative disease.  Even when your son can dress and feed himself, she can't be a babysitter.  That doesn't mean that she can't have "grandma time" with him and form her own relationship - this is what she probably really wants most right now.  But the bigger issue is that someone needs to have a conversation with her about her declining health.  These are TOUGH conversations but it is dangerous to put them off.

Your DH can't let himself off the hook for this.  It's his mom.  No few hours of working are worth not having this conversation with her.[/quote]

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