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[quote=Anonymous]My experience is similar to 19:13 but with the added component of nearly getting divorced.  Two of our three kids were diagnosed with developmental delays early on and later diagnosed with ADHD/inattentive.  It was after that that DH was diagnosed but he really didn't seek treatment until we were near divorce.  I tried juggling things and keeping them together far longer than I should have.  DH seemed uninterested in doing what needed to be done to get his ADHD/depression under control and it wasn't until we were near divorce that he finally took action (and, yes, I would make appointments for him, remind him of them, remind him what he was supposed to do, etc and nothing got better).

We're in a much better place now but it's required a lot of relationship counseling and ADHD coaching for my DH to really acknowledge the extent of the impact of his ADHD on our entire family.  It's not just the disorganization and forgetfulness but also the poor emotional regulation.  DH wasn't aware when he was getting wound up.  He'd just be in that well of emotion and speaking with no filter.  That's just unacceptable when you're and adult and especially when you're a parent.  Through counseling, DH finally agreed to no screen time for him and the kids at least 30 minutes before going to sleep.  He finally agreed to get at least 7.5 hours of sleep each night (sleep deprivation can mimic symptoms of ADHD and will also negate the positive effects of ADHD medication - it's not worth taking if your sleep deprived).  He agreed to 'behavioral training' like always putting his things in the staging area and if I found them outside the staging area and called him on it, he would have to immediately stop what he was doing and put them there.  After a couple of months, he was quite good at it and really appreciated not having to look for his keys/wallet/cell phone.

There's a reason why people with ADHD have a higher divorce rate.  The symptoms/impact may not be so noticeable early in a relationship/marriage but as time goes by and the stressors increase, the coping strategies that were adequate before are no longer effective.  It takes a lot of work to adapt to the new demands and sometimes you just have accept that your spouse needs to hear it from someoen other than you.  I highly recommend counseling with someoen skilled in treating ADHD.  It's the only reason we're still married.[/quote]

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